I am 27 and have been going out with a 26 yr old girl for just over 2 months, and I really like her. She is interesting, attractive, sexy, clever and funny, and I am in love with her. I was planning on telling her this last weekend, but in the course of a drunken q & a conversation, she told me that had slept with 32 people before me. I have always disliked promiscuity and I am now really unsure of what to think.
She explained that most of these occurred when she was young, and that she is longer “easy”. ! To me, this is an awful lot of people to have slept with for a young girl. Am I being stupid and oversensitive about this? I understand that the most important thing is what she is like now, not what happened 5 or 6 years ago, but I can’t stop myself thinking of her going out purely to find more men to sleep with, and that I am now going out with the girl who used to be the town bike (she once slept with a bloke just to find out if he had a large penis. On deciding he didn’t have a large penis halfway through the act, she just stopped and walked out.)!
Am I being stupid and oversensitive about this? And am I being really unfair on her for being bothered about it? I really hope you have some advice, because I am struggling.
I’m 32 and I can count the number of women I’ve been with on both hands. I’m sure if I had been with some comparable number of woman I might not be as jealous. It hurts, but what’s the alternative? I love her and don’t want to lose her. I believe that she loves me and that we don’t just have sex, but actually make love. Corny as it sounds, there is a difference. She’s been with other men so I don’t need to worry how I stack up; after 60+ men, she chose me. I was the one no other man could compare to.
So we should all have some dignity and stop wallowing in self pity. Appreciate who you have for the person they are, not the person they were.
This came as a tremendous shock to me, as I have had relatively few sexual partners (7) and I expected her answer to be similar
Later that night on the phone I expressed my depression; to this she could offer no words of comfort. In fact, for a long while after that it was just the regular ‘i cant change the past’ and ‘well nobody can compare’ answers from her that you might expect from a movie. What I really wanted was some admittance from her that if she liked me so much more than the other guys, she should not have slept with them, perhaps even a sorry. There was also the growing paranoia that one may have been hung like a horse or that I might somehow run into one of them and get some grief.
I believe her, and I am still in love with her, but I can’t stop thinking about the fact that she has had sex with 32 men!
Strangely, one had been a friend in my early school days. Somehow that did not bother me so much, lds singles as they had been in an ongoing relationship for quite some time (which I did not know of). The other was a guy she had dated earlier in the summer that I met her. This one bothered me much more, as it was recent and their relationship had only lasted a month. I thought maybe he just wanted to get into her pants, maybe she enjoyed it, big dick, etc.